Here is why you can never take a compliment

Here is why you can never take a complimentHere is why you can never take a complimentMy husband I spent last weekend with our families. On our way out the door from my parents house my mom complimented my new blazer.This thing? I said about a blazer I had been eyeing for months, saved for, and finally splurged on after refreshing the retailers site 722 times over Labor Day weekend in hopes of my size restocking.Its not that nice. Its too heavy. And shorter than I thought it would be. And it was on sale, I said, listing its flaws.We left and went to spend time with my in-laws, who, upon seeing me, were exceptionally congratulatory and overjoyed to chat about a new job Ive recently started - doing exactly what I want to do, exactly where I wanted to be doing it - and wanted to know all the details.Its not that cool, really. A jobs a job, I bashfully said.When we got in the car my husband - who has called me out on this numerous times - recounted the events and asked Why cant you j ust take a compliment?Why we react negatively to complimentsSee, if youre like me, a compliment induces two reactionsOption A, the more likely option in my mind, is instant humiliation followed by fear that the complimenter will soon see that I am a fraud and he or she is wrong about me. I will be exposed, andeverythingwill unravel from there.Option B, definitely also a viable option, stems from my distrust in the complimenter. He or she wants something from me, so I have to keep my guard up.Either way, the issue is the same. Weve stopped seeing ourselves as worthy of admiration. We spend so much time putting ourselves down that when someone suddenly expresses an opinion that differs from our own, were vulnerable and suspicious.This may seem strange in an era where everyone is oversharing, seemingly begging for likes and to be liked. But contrary to whatsocial mediamay show, many people dont want to be acknowledged in a major way or at all. Feeling like the bright lights are shining directly on them makes some people feel like hiding.The three response typesSuzann and James Pawelski, authors ofHappy Together Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lastsseem to agree that my reaction is hardly unique. There are three distinct types of reactions to compliments.DeflectionWe have found this to be a common experience of many people when receivinggratitude. We think part of the reason has to be cultural. We are often taught to be modest and not focus on ourselves. So that when we are given compliments we often deflect them, brushing them off like you might a crumb from your shirt or even a pesky fly, Suzann Pawelski said.ReciprocationSuzann said that while deflection is a popular response, so is unnecessary reciprocation. Often, before the compliment even has time to land, the other person immediately launches into his or her own expression of gratitude, she said. Suzann and James call this the hot potato phenomenon.This type of response feels ve ry transactional. Its like we feel that if someone pays us a compliment we have to pay them back for it right away, they say. Again, vulnerability comes into play here. Its natural to feel vulnerable if we find ourselves in someones debt. If we arent comfortable with it, we may try to repay - or hot potato - the debt back as quickly as possible.DiscountingSuzann said the third type of response is discounting - this is where we give all the reasons why the compliment cant be received.For example, one time, James complimented Suzann on a great meal she had cooked. Suzann then went into a litany of all the reasons and problems why the meal wasnt as good as it could have been - like me with my blazer. She gave a laundry list of reasons how she ran out of a certain spice, overcooked the potatoes, etc. You can imagine how James felt by the time she was done spewing her negativity Suzann says this is an unhealthyhabitamong people.Its as if the person receiving the compliment needs to c ome clean and mention all the problems first before they are pointed out, she said.Learn to Accept and Appreciate ComplimentsThe bottom line is that while compliments should bring joy and serve as a gracious gift, they can often feel heavier to a recipient. Give thought to the recipient when you voice your compliment and consider your reaction next time you receive one. There are reasons it might not feel as good as you think it should, but youre not alone, and noticing how you feel can help you change that.This article was originally published on Talkspace.com.

How to Realistically Unplug From Technology -The Muse

How to Realistically Unplug From Technology -The MuseHow to Realistically Unplug From Technology I had it all figured out. My fianc, Steve, and I would arrive in Vermont the Monday after Christmas, and for three days, Id unplug. Id schi by day, enjoy leisurely dinners afterward, and read and drink wine by night. Id take pictures of the scenery and Steves snowboarding moves, but Id wait to post them on Instagram once Id rejoined the masses on social media. My out of office message welches primed, and I welches fairly certain my boss wasnt expecting anything from me during the office closure. Since I was barely a month into this new job, however, I gave myself clearance to check my work schmelzglasle once or twice during the online hiatus and respond if anything was pressing. On Tuesday morning, I was ready to go- or, let go, as it were. Id read that it can be helpful to keep a detox journal and to record feelings of anxiety or boredom while disconnecting from the online world. If I fe lt like hopping onto Facebook or tweeting about something, I should write that down instead of updating my status or posting on Twitter. Since I planned to be on skis for the better part of the day, I wasnt worried about ennui. In fact, I was really looking forward to going off the grid for a few days. I wanted to recharge and give my over-exposed brain a rest.But a couple of problems presented themselves right away. The first was how to deal with text messages. Id already permitted use of my phone (pictures) and couldnt turn it off because it was also a way to communicate with Steve if we somehow got separated post ski/snowboard run. Furthermore, I hadnt made any kind of announcement on social media, so it felt rude to ignore my parents and friends texts. I decided then that infrequent texting was permissible.The second problem arose when my fianc asked me where we were going for dinner that night. Im the reservationist, the restaurant-finder and chooser in our relationship. Its a role, as someone who cares deeply about what and where she eats, I relish. Besides, I couldnt exactly tell him, Sorry, thats your job now. Shifting the responsibility on Steve didnt feel very partner-y on a vacation with just the two of us. And so I made yet another allowance. I went on TripAdvisor and searched for dining options close to us. I read reviews and called to secure a reservation at a fondue restaurant that boasted of its Swiss authenticity. Later that evening, when my S.O. encouraged me to research the skis Id demoed earlier that day, skis that could turn into my Christmas present from him, I felt that I could not refuse. So online I went, Googling the skis and reading user comments.How was I unplugging, you ask? Well, I decided that all social media tools were off-limits. If I needed to hop online in an effort to contribute to the vacation (What were the projected conditions for the next two days? Where could we buy the coveted Heady Topper IPA?), I would do so. If Goo gle Maps helped us get to the dinner that Steve was driving us to, then obviously I could use the tool on my iPhone. Itd be rude and selfish to burden him with all this extra stuff just because I wanted to disconnect.It may not have been the most impressive unplug, but I am happy to report that once Id comfortably accepted my terms of it, I felt good. I stayed off LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram. I even (and this, my friends, took some great will) steered clear of Facebook after Steve posted a vague photo of me on a hospital bed covered by a sheet. Although I was certain that concerned friends and family members wanted to know what happened and if I was OK, I steeled myself from posting an update. I answered anxious texts and instructed Steve to tell our audience that I was fine. My busted toe and I would survive. At night, instead of wasting precious reading minutes scrolling through Instagram feeds I really didnt care about, I pored over Carrie Brownsteins Hunger Makes Me a Moder n Girl, a book Id been wanting to get into for a while. In the car one afternoon, on our way to a barbecue joint in the next town over, I had a very present conversation with Steve that didnt involve any uh huhs or Sorry, can you say that again? mumbles that were a sure sign that Id been too busy scrolling through my Twitter feed to hear what hed been saying. I liked not getting caught up with what everyone else was doing and living my own life, hour by hour, day by day. Now, in general, I try to be a present person and can easily enjoy a meal out without once taking my phone out of my bag. I would never dream of checking my messages or email at the theater. I avoid grabbing for it in the middle of the night when Mother Nature calls, and I will sometimes run errands on Saturday or Sunday in my neighborhood sans phone. But, in spite of these small pats on the back, I know I am too reliant on my devices. I scroll through Facebook out of boredom (even though I could be reading somethin g worthwhile), and I shop online for stuff I dont need during commercials (when I could be, I dont know, doing crunches). I check my email more often than is necessary, and I admit I browse WebMD too much. If any of this sounds familiar, maybe its time you embark on your own unplugging experiment. It doesnt have to be all or nothing. Maybe you start out not going on Snapchat until after 5 PM. Perhaps you take one day a week where you dont open the Instagram app on your phone. No email on Sunday until 3 PM. Whatever you do, you should, in the end, feel good about it and the way it adds to your productivity (or, on the flip side, your attempts at relaxing or enjoying yourself on vacation). Could be that you finally write those thank-you cards. Or fold the pile of laundry that youve been picking from for the last week. The only rule is to do what feels right to you, and hopefully, like me, youll emerge feeling like your time away was time well spent.Photo of woman reading a book courte sy of Shutterstock.

6 Resume Missteps That Can Derail Your Job Application

6 Resume Missteps That Can Derail Your Job Application 6 Resume Missteps That Can Derail Your Job Application Your resume is the first impression youll make on a hiring manager. As such, its goal should be to capture the recruiters interest long enough that they read the document to the end.Unfortunately, silly mistakes can get in the way. Did you know that hiring managers spend six seconds reading a candidates resume before making an initial decision about fit? Or that one in fiverecruiters will reject a candidate before theyve finished reading their resume?Dont make your first impression your brde impression. Avoid these six resume mistakes1. Dont Be a ClichIts tempting to fall back on tried and true turns of phrase in your resume, but candidates who use clichs to describe themselves and their work arent doing much to impress recruiters.Dont say you are results-driven instead, outline the results youve achieved in your resume by using facts and figures. Never call yourself season ed it can make you sound older than you are. Never, ever call yourself a hard worker, unless you want the hiring manager to shudder.More than 50 percent of recruiters say they reject candidates whose resumes are full of clichs. Do your best to find fresh language to describe yourself and your talents.2. Check for Spelilng amd Grammer MistakesThis one seems like a no-brainer, but youd be surprised how many resumes end up in the trash thanks to careless mistakes.Fifty-nine percent of recruiters say that they will reject a candidate because of poor grammar or a spelling error. Though these mistakes seem small, they indicate that a candidatemay be careless and sloppy.Read through your resume at least three times. Then, have a trusted friend edit it. Finally, run your letter though a free online grammar-checking program like Grammarly to be sure youve caught all potential errors.3. Clean It UpYour resume is a professional document, bedrngnis an art project. Photos are never necessary, an d fancy fonts can make you look unprofessional. Stick to simple fonts like Calibri or Arial. Use bullet points for readability, and use a consistent layout throughout the document. Also, trynot to exceed two pages at the maximum.4. Make It Action-PackedSkip the flowery language and superfluous words. Use active verbs to describe your accomplishments. Avoid passive language and industry jargon. Clean, simple language that explains your experience and numbers to showcase your accomplishments will go a long way.5. Keep It RealNever inflate your job description to make yourself sound more important or skilled than you really are. Recruiters know how to smell a rat. Plus, with background and reference checks, you will likely be found out. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to your resume.6. Clear the ClutterIts great to have varied work experience, but your resume should be tailored to the job to which you are applying. To that end, dont clutter it up with unrelated job titles. Ins tead, focus on the roles that directly relate to the application at hand. Reorganizing your resume to put the most relevant positions up top can also help focus the recruiter on your most valuable experience.LiveCareerdevelops tools to help job seekers write resumes, draft cover letters, and prepare for interviews.Master the art of closing deals and making placements. Take our Recruiter Certification Program today. Were SHRM certified. Learn at your own pace during this 12-week program. Access over 20 courses. Great for those who want to break into recruiting, or recruiters who want to further their career.